Ripping off the bandaid

Posted on Leave a comment

I asked myself a few questions when I realized that the dare of 2016 had to be creating my internet child. I’ve been sitting in a La-Z boy all week struggling to come up with the right answer.

Why would anyone read this?

Why would people listen to what I have to say?

Listen, I’m growing up, slowly but surely, and I do have a lot to learn — so why the hell do I think that what I have to say is important?

The truth of the matter is, I never thought I’d end up blogging. I always believed that in order to “put myself out there” I wanted to master a subject before attempting to blog about it. I really wanted to be honest about who I was and what my credentials were (I have zero) when I first started writing. I don’t claim to be extremely knowledgable or skilled — I just wanted a place where I can put pen to paper, or in this case, fingers to keyboard, and let it all out.

All of us can contribute to different things. You don’t have to be an expert to have an opinion. I have tons of them 🙂  I know nothing about fitness and health but my best friend Clarissa can school me on those things any day. Whereas, when it comes to beauty products and boys, I am her love guru and part-time make up artist.

In the last 20 years, I have tried to embrace different hobbies. My childhood didn’t consist of activities and clubs that my mom pushed me into, but rather, all the choices that I made were mine to make. I tried piano lessons, ballet, hip-hop, cooking, tap dancing, arts and crafts, gymnastics, choir, and I even tried to play the clarinet once… and the list goes on and on. Some of those activities brought me satisfaction but a lot of it was a process of self-discovery at a very young age. It was my way of learning for the first time how to say “no” to things that other people expected me to like. Snaps to me for combatting peer pressure at such a young age. I tried out ballet because I had a friend that was also taking classes. I took a few piano classes because my brother was into them. It was always me just trying to follow through with what other people like to do, not what would have liked to spend time doing.

When sixth grade rolled around, we had mandatory writing classes and I think that was when I knew that I had some sort of innate calling. Actually saying that it was an innate calling is a tad pretentious so let’s just go with “unexpected hobby.” Writing was the only thing that didn’t seem like a chore. I was receiving so many A+’s that I didn’t know how to react. I was being rewarded for writing my thoughts on a piece of paper or coming up with a stupid story for the sixth grade writing prompt they had given me. Writing suddenly became my thing. It was where I excelled.

I would say that I’m a pretty confident person. I know how to stand tall and I try to be comfortable in my own skin as much as any normal college student can be.

DOUGHNUTS

Posted on Leave a comment

Yesterday, I made a quick trip to my local supermarket. Usually these trips are uneventful and I am always forced to grocery shop alone due to the fact that its the only chore that my parents trust me to complete. This trip was uneventful until I came across a young girl, probably about 11 or 12 years old, standing in the dairy aisle with her mom. Her mom was requesting that she pick up every item that she had placed in their shopping cart and recite the amount of calories and sugar that each grocery item contained. The girl was a little chubby, but it was mostly baby fat that will probably melt off her body within the next year or so as she matures. It was evident that this girl did not have a weight issue.

As compelled as I was to approach the mother and daughter and tell the mom how fucked up she is to make her daughter feel guilty about placing items into a cart, I knew it wasn’t my place — but having been there, at that age, in that body, experiencing so much shame from going to school and seeing that the other girls didn’t look like me, the guilt that I experienced just by comparing myself to others was overbearing on its own, but to imagine that my mother could have been like this mother in the supermarket, making remarks about calories and exacerbating the body consciousness that I was already facing every time I looked in front of a mirror — to say that witnessing this happen outraged me is an understatement.

And if I wasn’t already scarred from this encounter enough, I ended up standing in back of them in line at check out. The mother was still insisting that her daughter remove some things from the cart like a bag of doughnuts. In that moment, I flashed back to every moment where I felt ugly, and fat, and worthless. And sometimes those feelings are just there and people either provoke you to feel that way or you just naturally do. It’s a growing pain that hurts the most. But my mother, my person, who thinks I am beautiful with no makeup on, who loves my body regardless of whether the scale reads 160 lbs or 120, your mother is supposed to be on your side, supposed to force you to look at yourself in the mirror and see your beauty and your worth — she would never purposely magnify my insecurities. She would never be like this mother. I will never be like this mother.

And then, the spookiest part of all, as I flashback and flash forward to how my mother brought me up and how I plan to bring up my daughter, I heard the girl’s mother call her. Her name was Ava, the name I plan to give my daughter. This was all just so bizarre.

It is no secret that young girls grow up in a world where insecurity is normal, confidence is rare, and shame is everywhere. We have a more shocking facial expression when the server brings the bread to the table at a restaurant than we do during the Bachelor finale. We say a little prayer every time we get on the scale in the hopes that the number we see will be smaller and smaller every time we step on it. We masquerade behind a face full of makeup where our blemishes are nonexistent and we are always looking rejuvenated, awake, flawless. But something that I realized very early on is that we seldom do this just for men, but we are working strenuously to seek approval from one another, to be called “pretty” by other women, to have photo comments racking up like “omg ur bod”, or “eat something”, or “hot AF.” And yeah, I’ll admit, I do engage in this behavior because it has become a habit to compliment women in my life when they post something, however, we as women need to stop policing each other and start embracing that beauty, like art, taste, and smell, is subjective. It is in the eye of the beholder. And we have got to find a way to work on this and love each other and promote positive body image more often because there is no clear cut way to make someone feel good about themselves. We find ourselves in this vicious cycle of offending people at the cost of making others feel better like making a song about how curvy women are hot and skinny girls aren’t “in” anymore.

You are not deemed “beautiful” if you post a photo in a bikini on the beach eating a slice of watermelon with a clever caption.

You are not labeled “hot” when you get hundreds of likes on a photo of you in a tight little black dress.

You are not what others tell you you are. You are what you tell yourself you are.

And if you ever find yourself grown up, caught in the habits that made you obsessed with your body as a young girl, I will be there to meet you in that supermarket aisle to tell you that you are beautiful and no doughnut you eat will ever take that away from you. No matter how many sprinkles it has on it. I promise you that.

 

A Response To: “How To Be Single” on Valentines Day

Posted on Leave a comment

This Valentine’s Day, I decided to take advantage of my many sorority sisters and use them as company for the movies on this joyous February 14. Of course, we decided to see How To Be Single cuz a) it was our female duty to do so b) why not???

V-Day is one of my favorite holidays of the year. I am not currently in a mushy gooshy lovey-dovey relationship — and if you are, all the power to you. I do not appreciate how this country has transformed this day into an industry where people are capitalizing left and right off of our relationships. When this “holiday” approaches, I use my day to reflect on the most important relationship I have in my life — my relationship with myself.

Instead of expecting someone else to spoil me with chocolate goodies, flowers, and huge teddy bears, I just take these 24 hours of Valentine’s Day and focus on me and what makes me happy.

I’m all about being single and happy — or being in a relationship and happy — just as long as being happy is part of the equation, I’m all for it.

I’m not ashamed of not having a significant other, nor do I feel the need to shame others of their relationships. 

But this holiday just takes your attitudes in relation to relationships and turns it on high volume.

Now ~ getting back to the movie.

I consider myself the Hitch of my friend group.  Not trying to toot my own horn but when it comes to relationships, I know the ropes. I wouldn’t go as far to say that my advice is impeccable, but it’s pretty damn good. Works 9/10 times.  Unlike Hitch, when it comes to my own relationships, I do not hesitate. I know how to handle myself and how to proceed forward when there is a roadblock.

The reason I mention this is that I am usually the one that will always be by a friend’s side to embrace their newly single status and show them the whole new world of what self-love looks like. That’s not to say that every single person that is in a relationship hates themselves but when you have a significant other that you depend on and the next day they’re out of your life like bibiddy bobiddy boo — you’re gonna need to learn how to give yourself the attention and admiration that they once did. A lot of us end our relationships and realize that we have to work twice as hard to break away from our habits of codepdence and moving towards a lifestyle where you do what you  want to do.

I think that being critical is one of my faults. I am critical of myself and others too and I carry that criticism into the movie theatre with me. I was pleasantly surprised leaving that theatre satisfied with the ending and thinking “YES THIS IS A MOVIE EVERY GIRL SHOULD SEE.”

Because the movie does NOT always have to end with the couple being together and smooching as the credits begin to roll…

Seeing the main character do something she’s always dreamed of doing — but this time, on her own, was so great to watch on the big screen. The fact that a movie finally ended with someone being happy and alone was wonderful, to say the least.

Happily ever after can be accomplished without a handsome prince.

It can also be accomplished without a dream job.

If you sit for a few moments and think about the life you’re already living, you might just realize that you’ve had the “happily” part for a long time, and that the “ever after” is up to you.

 

THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION OF YOUR LIFE

Posted on Leave a comment

I enjoy passing on things that inspire me and I really just wanted to share this here with whoever is reading… such an amazing post by Mark Manson.

Everybody wants what feels good. Everyone wants to live a carefree, happy and easy life, to fall in love and have amazing sex and relationships, to look perfect and make money and be popular and well-respected and admired and a total baller to the point that people part like the Red Sea when you walk into the room.

Everyone would like that — it’s easy to like that.

If I ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” it’s so ubiquitous that it doesn’t even mean anything.

A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.

Everybody wants to have an amazing job and financial independence — but not everyone wants to suffer through 60-hour work weeks, long commutes, obnoxious paperwork, to navigate arbitrary corporate hierarchies and the blasé confines of an infinite cubicle hell. People want to be rich without the risk, without the sacrifice, without the delayed gratification necessary to accumulate wealth.

Everybody wants to have great sex and an awesome relationship — but not everyone is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings and the emotional psychodrama to get there. And so they settle. They settle and wonder “What if?” for years and years and until the question morphs from “What if?” into “Was that it?” And when the lawyers go home and the alimony check is in the mail they say, “What was that for?” if not for their lowered standards and expectations 20 years prior, then what for?

Because happiness requires struggle. The positive is the side effect of handling the negative. You can only avoid negative experiences for so long before they come roaring back to life.

At the core of all human behavior, our needs are more or less similar. Positive experience is easy to handle. It’s negative experience that we all, by definition, struggle with. Therefore, what we get out of life is not determined by the good feelings we desire but by what bad feelings we’re willing and able to sustain to get us to those good feelings.

People want an amazing physique. But you don’t end up with one unless you legitimately appreciate the pain and physical stress that comes with living inside a gym for hour upon hour, unless you love calculating and calibrating the food you eat, planning your life out in tiny plate-sized portions.

People want to start their own business or become financially independent. But you don’t end up a successful entrepreneur unless you find a way to appreciate the risk, the uncertainty, the repeated failures, and working insane hours on something you have no idea whether will be successful or not.

People want a partner, a spouse. But you don’t end up attracting someone amazingwithout appreciating the emotional turbulence that comes with weathering rejections, building the sexual tension that never gets released, and staring blankly at a phone that never rings. It’s part of the game of love. You can’t win if you don’t play.

What determines your success isn’t “What do you want to enjoy?” The question is, “What pain do you want to sustain?” The quality of your life is not determined by the quality of your positive experiences but the quality of your negative experiences. And to get good at dealing with negative experiences is to get good at dealing with life.

There’s a lot of crappy advice out there that says, “You’ve just got to want it enough!”

Everybody wants something. And everybody wants something enough. They just aren’t aware of what it is they want, or rather, what they want “enough.”

Because if you want the benefits of something in life, you have to also want the costs. If you want the beach body, you have to want the sweat, the soreness, the early mornings, and the hunger pangs. If you want the yacht, you have to also want the late nights, the risky business moves, and the possibility of pissing off a person or ten thousand.

If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.

Sometimes I ask people, “How do you choose to suffer?” These people tilt their heads and look at me like I have twelve noses. But I ask because that tells me far more about you than your desires and fantasies. Because you have to choose something. You can’t have a pain-free life. It can’t all be roses and unicorns. And ultimately that’s the hard question that matters. Pleasure is an easy question. And pretty much all of us have similar answers. The more interesting question is the pain. What is the pain that you want to sustain?

That answer will actually get you somewhere. It’s the question that can change your life. It’s what makes me me and you you. It’s what defines us and separates us and ultimately brings us together.

For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I fantasized about being a musician — a rock star, in particular. Any badass guitar song I heard, I would always close my eyes and envision myself up on stage playing it to the screams of the crowd, people absolutely losing their minds to my sweet finger-noodling. This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end. The fantasizing continued up through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped playing seriously. But even then it was never a question of if I’d ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds, but when. I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then, I needed to make money. Then, I needed to find the time. Then… and then nothing.

Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came. And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why: I didn’t actually want it.

I was in love with the result — the image of me on stage, people cheering, me rocking out, pouring my heart into what I’m playing — but I wasn’t in love with the process. And because of that, I failed at it. Repeatedly. Hell, I didn’t even try hard enough to fail at it. I hardly tried at all.

The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a shit. The broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. It’s a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn’t like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the top.

Our culture would tell me that I’ve somehow failed myself, that I’m a quitter or a loser. Self-help would say that I either wasn’t courageous enough, determined enough or I didn’t believe in myself enough. The entrepreneurial/start-up crowd would tell me that I chickened out on my dream and gave in to my conventional social conditioning. I’d be told to do affirmations or join a mastermind group or manifest or something.

But the truth is far less interesting than that: I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn’t. End of story.

I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way.

Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.

This is not a call for willpower or “grit.” This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain.”

This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. So choose your struggles wisely, my friend.

For me, this just exemplifies the whole “appreciate the journey, not the destination” type of idea. All of us want essentially the same things in life but its about how we make it happen for ourselves that is worth thinking about.

GROUNDHOG DAY ~ NEW SPRING STYLES

Posted on Leave a comment

It seems like just a week ago I was sprinting to my car every time I left the house because of how frigid it was. Oh wait, that was a week ago.

The groundhog, or Steven, as I like to call him, emerged just a couple of days ago so I find this time absolutely appropriate to dig out the outfits that have been at the back of my closet because its finally spring!!!!

I dressed Jenna up in a black maxi dress with really cute black closed-toe flats. Black on black is always what I resort to wearing. Apparently, Anna Wintour, the editor and chief of Vogue, said that one look she would never be caught in is black on black, so I guess I’m breaking every rule of fashion but whatevs.

I think maxi dresses are perfect for February because you can really work with them even if the weather is still chilly. Just throw on a little jacket and you’re good to go, since your legs are already covered. Stylish and comfortable? Check.

IMG_3732 IMG_6635 DSC_0064 DSC_0065

RABBIT RABBIT – HAPPY FEBRUARY!

Posted on Leave a comment

IT’S FINALLY FEBRUARY!!!!!

It’s unreal that we are already hitting month two of 2016…

It’s also unreal that I’ve had my blog child for exactly one month! HBD TPC

I promise I have lots in store for this month. Been working on many different little projects all at once so stay tuned!

People always say that if you want to have a shitty month you should save it for February since it is the shortest month of the year, but I think we should take advantage of this month and jam pack it with little goals that we can set for ourselves. I decided that I would create a list of weekly goals that will help you pass this month feeling highly prodctive.

Initially, I separated each goal into its specific week of the month but after I did this I realized that there are specific weeks this month that are way too busy for the goals that I paired them with so I’m just going to list everything below and choose 1-3 for each week and write them down somewhere so that you can stay accountable!

  • Write yourself a letter on FutureMe
  • Put your phone on Do Not Disturb for a few hours every day so that you are able to complete your work with little to no distractions.
  • Pick up a book that you already own and have at home or take a quick trip to the bookstore and grab a book so that you always have one on your night stand to read right when you wake up and before you go to bed. Starting and ending your day with a book will make such a difference, I promise. You should be reading 20 pages a day. 10 in the morning, 10 at night. This way you will be finishing books faster.
  • Try a new recipe for a nutritious meal. Cooking, especially with friends, is a really fun time and you’d be surprised how yummy some recipes actually turn out. This is coming from someone that gets people to hop on the tofu bandwagon all the time…
  • This is one that I feel is extremely important to do and once I complete this “task” I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. A lot of the time we get carried away with the hustle and bustle of life and things get so busy that we lose touch with people unintentionally. Make a list of people that you want to get in touch with, touch base with, meet up with, etc., and then go through the list and reach out to those people one by one until you’ve successfully spoken to every single person you wrote down. TRY THIS IT’LL MAKE YOU FEEL GREAT!
  • Plan for a ‘me’ night that is strictly for quality time, whether it be with yourself or your friends. This doesn’t necessarily have to be with family members but just make a conscious effort to plan a relaxed night at home, maybe dinner and a movie or possibly bowling with close friends. Plan for a night of bonding away from drama or problems. This may seem like a lame goal for an entire week but when you have something definite planned for one night, it’ll make a stressful week go by so much faster knowing that you already have a night planned to unwind!
  • Try 30 minutes of yoga a few times a week. I’m terrible when it comes to physical activity but Yoga with Adrienne is quite possibly the easiest program to learn. She has a 30 day yoga camp program already on her Youtube channel which is PERFECT for February. Try it out, I highly recommend her.
  • Force yourself to go to bed at a reasonable time so that you can get in the habit of also waking up at a reasonable time and not wasting your day in bed.
  • Meditate every morning. I have been doing this almost every day for two years now and it has made such a significant impact on my mood every single day. There is no right/wrong way to do this. If you need some pointers, you can check this out. Like I said, there is no right way to do this so just see which of these you feel the most comfortable with. The whole point is starting your day with silence and gratitude.
  • If you’re conflicted about something or overly stressed, journal. It doesn’t need to be a formal commitment that you’re going to keep a journal and write in it every single day for the rest of your life. Journaling is there for you as a release when you need it. Grab a pen and a piece of scrap paper and just write it all out. It will really help you find the clarity that you’re looking for.

TO ME, FROM ME

Posted on Leave a comment

Everyone knows what it feels like when you’re caught at the wrong time in the wrong place. Usually something memorable happens — whether it’s good or bad — and we think, wrong place, wrong time.

Tonight, I am alone in my apartment, in the company of a bowl of strawberries, and an episode of Friends playing in front of me. Tonight is the right time and the right place to air some of my dirty laundry, or what I call “my ugly.”

FutureMe is a site that lets you write a letter to yourself, submit it, and then choose when you want it emailed back to you in the future. Whether it be one week, six months, or two years — on the future date of your choice, you will receive the email.

I wrote a letter to myself just a few shorts weeks before my freshman year of college. I basically outlined what was going on in my life at the time, who I was closest with, what my goals were, and where I hoped I would be in a year.

Initially, I thought this idea was cool but also pretty stupid at the same time. Cool because it’s like putting your thoughts in a time capsule that you know you can’t have access to, but also stupid because I really believed that I was going to remember exactly what I had written in that letter to myself and that waiting X amount of months to receive it wasn’t going to have an effect on me because I was certainly going to remember every word of what I wrote.

I ended up forgetting about the letter altogether and proving myself wrong. Exactly twelve months later, I woke up to an email of the letter I had written.

I had written this letter to myself a few days after my graduation from high school. I was feeling mixed emotions because it was finally hitting me that Miami was no longer going to be my home, it was just going to be a place that I lived in between breaks and I was going to feel like a visitor in my own house. I knew that there was a fantastic and exciting new journey ahead (my exact words) and that my first year of college was going to be a year of great adjustment, but that I would get through it. I was motivating myself to be independent, make the right decisions, and create many memories.

I read the letter.

Nothing was the same.

Take away the fact that half of the people that my life had revolved around just twelve months prior were not really on speaking terms with me, nothing that year had really gone like I had expected and nothing could prepare me for the reality check that this letter in front of my eyes had just given me.

Life works in mysterious ways.

Destiny has its way of pushing you to a specific place for a specific reason — it may not be a place that you want to be, but if you had never been pushed there, your life would forever be different.

College is so hyped up. You literally wait your entire life just to go and if something happens that doesn’t meet or exceed your expectations, you think to yourself “Wow, I waited so long for this and now it’s not perfect.”

Things go wrong and life doesn’t really take into account if you’re in college or if you have a lot on your plate. Shit just happens. And sometimes you just need to get yourself to a point where you adult earlier (yeah, I made that a verb) and put yourself first, and let the college experience take a back seat. You are more important than partying. This really doesn’t need to be said, it should already be a black or white thing. You are more important.

People obviously don’t put their shitty moments out there and I don’t blame them for not displaying all of the moments where they don’t look or feel their best. It’s just not a secret that we are more likely to put our best selves out there and we’re always attempting to achieve perfection in other peoples’ eyes. I would constantly compare my first year experience to other friends whose Facebook photo albums were practically exploding with photos of them smiling with new friends.

Everyone is always told not to compare themselves to other people but it’s difficult to do so when all of these people are having a great time in front of your face.

Just be able to separate authentic from false. Most of what you’re seeing is false. It’s okay to have bad days. It okay to not wear make up. It’s even okay to not Instagram for an entire week. (Shocker right?!)

Be true to yourself. Being true to myself didn’t come overnight. It took me a lot to come to terms with the fact that hard decisions are what move you closer to happiness.

If you’re reading this and think that this entire post is a mess and my thoughts are scattered and disconnected — I’ll connect the dots for you real quick. Reading the letter to myself before my freshman year, one year later, was depressing to say the least. SO many personal things made my first year of college shitty and put me through an extremely dark time.

I feel like when you overwhelm yourself with expectations and goals and just overall things that you really really really want to achieve… that stress on your mind and on your body is completely unnecessary. The reality of the situation is that failure comes in all shapes and sizes and you are likely to falter at some point along the road and I just happened to experience that at the very beginning.

The first thing I did after I received the email one year later was go back to FutureMe and write a new letter. I am expecting this letter in the summer of 2016. The entire letter isn’t that fresh in my mind since a few months have passed since I have written it, but I made one goal that I intend to keep. I told myself, “I hope you are happy.”

Because what is it worth if you aren’t?

Losing sight of my priorities is what ultimately pushed me to a place where I was extremely unhappy and in a constant state of shame that my experience didn’t resemble that of others.

You may have tons of followers on social media, rad photo albums, people to pose with you in pictures with red cups in hand– but when times get dark and you need a friend to sit with you in silence and keep you company, or wipe away your tears after you get uber emotional from a boxing movie (yeah, this happened), isn’t that what you should aspire to have? People that make you happy?  Moments that make you happy?

Just food for thought.

MY DETOX EXPERIENCE

Posted on Leave a comment

“Detoxing” is the new fad that people do not stop raving about. Whether it be a health cleanse where a strange diet requires you to drink only liquids, or in this case, a technology detox, I think they’re both a bit intense and far-fetched.

Just like I probably won’t stop eating solid foods, I’m definitely not going to lay off my phone and computer.

A way that I’ve involuntarily cleansed for almost a year now is by sleeping in.

When you aren’t awake you’re clearly not dying to pick up your phone..

I always make it a point to sleep in whenever I can, on those days where I have zero responsibilities.

I get amazing rest and am able to unplug from the world at the same time. Two for the price of one.

Unplugging is important to me. It’s not easy to do by any means but it is important to put forth an actual effort and attempt to stay away from your phone every once in a while.

I always put myself through a digital detox every now and then. The real question is, do we really have to disconnected in order to reconnect?

The answer to this is: YEAH

Take it from someone that is here and living to tell the tale… you can do it!

Taking a vacation from your computer or phone isn’t as difficult as you think it is. No one is expecting you to sit alone in your house for hours on end doing nothing. No one is asking you to quit social media, emailing, and texting cold turkey.

The main focus when it comes to my digital detoxes is to learn that your life isn’t going to end without technology. Your world is not going to fall apart if you don’t answer a text when your phone vibrates and you’re sitting at the dinner table.

The whole point of this is to learn how to use things in moderation.

I began with putting everyone important under my favorite contacts. That way if you put your phone on Do Not Disturb but you’re anxious that something will happen and no one will be able to reach you since your phone will not ring, you can designate a few favorites that will be able to break the Do Not Disturb setting and reach you in case of any emergency.

Pros of this include:

  • Being able to unplug without worrying that someone might need to reach you.
  • Tons of notifications to wake up to so you feel like a major celeb moments after opening your eyes.
  • Friends appreciating you more since you haven’t responded for hours.
  • Less hours spent scrolling through Twitter, FB, and Instagram. You basically go through it in the first ten minutes of being awake/the first time you look at your phone after it being on DND and after that don’t feel the need to use the apps for a few hours.

And now, the cons:

  • Everyone thinks you’ve been kidnapped and murdered for your lack of response.
  • May-jor FOMO.
  • You wake up to some ridiculous shit.
  • IMG_9204 IMG_9205 IMG_9206

Final thoughts…

Moderation is key. Lay off insta every once in a while. And by once in a while I mean either while you’re taking a bath or watching TV. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to realize that life goes on outside of your cell phone.

Have a fab weekend!

STOP SINGLE-SHAMING YOUR FRIENDS

Posted on Leave a comment

The other day, my best friend Jenna was spending the night sitting alone in her apartment. Her three other roommates were out on dates with their lovey-dovey boyfriends. She decided to put her pen to paper, or in this case, her fingers to keyboard and tell herself that her jealousy was misplaced and that it was in her best interest to embrace the fact that people do get into relationships in college and that is completely A-OK.

This was the product of that lonely night.

Stop relationship-shaming your taken friends.

How about stop making everyone single feel ashamed for not having a significant other that takes them out to Olive Garden dates once a week?

The question that makes me cringe the most (especially when its my grandma asking): WHY are you still single?

I am constantly made to feel uncomfortable or ashamed about my relationship, or lack thereof, and frankly, I think it’s ridiculous.

I don’t give grief to people that are in happy relationships. People in happy relationships give grief to me.

And what bothers me the most is when I choose to actually formulate an answer to this absurd question of “why” I am not happily relationshipped, it almost always ends with people belittling me.

It’s incredibly easy for people to tattoo stereotypes on women’s foreheads. Confident. Cocky. Narcissistic. Self-involved. Rather than praising them for being Assertive. Poised. Outgoing. Strong.

I’m the type of person who is very self-aware. I love my solitude and cherish every second I have alone in my apartment. I function best when I’m left alone with myself — and the idea of letting someone of the opposite sex infiltrate my space and time at this point in my life is scary to say the least.

I’m the least boy crazy person out there. I’m really holding tight to the belief that if I’m meant to meet someone in the future and possibly love them, destiny will push me there. *says this while sitting on my couch eating marshmallows*

I’m not actively looking for a relationship, which I’m sure must shock many men since they prance around thinking that every girl in the world is searching for a boyfriend day in and day out — and nothing could be further from the truth.

I’m a very involved and available friend. I’ll always take phone calls, respond to messages, Snapchat my ugliest faces, etc., but when it comes to men I really don’t give them the time of day because I don’t think that they have earned my undivided attention so early on.

The reason why I’ve pushed myself to behave this way and not really obsess over the fantasies of possible relationships with every man I meet is because I’m selfish.

100% me 100% of the time. And I don’t see that as a fault. At all.

I know for a fact I can graduate with a guaranteed job as a flight attendant because I have mastered the number one rule of safety. I put my oxygen mask on first, and then I assist others.  And that’s how it should be. And that’s how everyone should always function in every area of their life, or else flight attendants wouldn’t give us that annoying spiel every time we step foot on an airplane.

I made a promise to myself that I was going to make a huge effort to not insert myself into my blog posts all the time because whoever might be reading this ~ you and I are not the same, and what works for me might not necessarily work for you and that is totally okay.

I really just haven’t come across many people who approach the boy world like I do and that’s why I thought my perspective might be entertaining or refreshing in some way, shape, or form.

These are supposed to be the most selfish years of my life and I really intend to live them out like so. I am taking the time to get to know myself more and more each day. I am spending as much time with myself alone as I possibly can.  It’s me who I’m going to bed with every night and I have to be completely content with myself before I invite someone else to join.  It’s OK to be crazy about yourself. It’s OK to do you.

11163244_10153898491412366_1863944814118877729_n

So, when people in “perfect relationships” put themselves on a pedestal and address your nonexistent love life as if its a sinful lifestyle — tell them to f*ck off. When they break up and their life falls apart because they relied on someone else for love, compassion, and attention, they’ll be sorry they said anything to you.

You don’t need to wake up to a text message from someone of the opposite sex to start your morning off right.

You don’t require consistent sex to make you feel worthy or beautiful.

You don’t need someone to be excited for you when you do well on a test or attain a long-term goal.

What you do need is your own support, love, determination, excitement, and unconditional loyalty. If you don’t have yourself, who do you have?

SECRETS TO A SMASHING SPRING SEMESTER

Posted on Leave a comment

Although I have certainly been MIA for over a week now it is because I was getting through this grueling spring syllabus week. I’m definitely one of those gals that has always been pretty enthusiastic about school. What can I say… the sophomore slump is an uphill battle. 

Here are a few little secrets I’d like to share with you ~  just a few things to keep in mind as you tackle the first few weeks of the semester 🙂

Take yourself shopping

Learning is great and all but what really gets me pumped is school supplies + shopping for them. If you think retail therapy is good, buying pencils, binders, sticky notes, and cute pencil cases will get your mind off of any problem. And this is a 100% guarantee. When you’re properly equipped with supplies, you are 100% motivated and ready to start this semester at full speed.

An absolute MUST-HAVE for me is an agenda. Whether you got it at Office Depot, online at Lilly Pulitzer, or splurged for an Erin Condren personalized agenda, you NEED one of these. You are not invincible. Your agenda will always be your BFF. I actually used two for fall semester — one small one to carry around with me at all times and a jumbo one that sat on my desk at home. They are definitely lifesavers.

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

Processed with VSCOcam with c3 preset

Stickies will be your boyfriend

For those of us that are constantly avoiding all of our responsibilities,I have a tip for you —  utilize sticky notes. They will literally save your ass and remind you of things that you’ll surely forget. Since I have a Macbook, I use the stickies app and just keep a sticky note open on my computer where I jot down errands I need to run, people I have to email, all that fun stuff. Since I always keep the sticky note open, I’m constantly starring at it and I see all of the tasks that I need to accomplish by the end of the day. If you don’t have a Macbook, don’t fret. You can do 1 of 3 things. Use your laptop’s note pad and keep it minimized so there is a similar idea to the stickies. What I like to also do is write down a list of things I have to do on my phone’s note pad, take a screenshot of it, and then make it my home screen so whenever I look at my phone (approximately every 2 minutes) I will automatically see the list on my lock screen. Lastly, what I do a lot is take actual sticky notes, write key words of things I need to do on them, and literally stick them on my laptop so if I try to ignore my responsibilities, I’ll be faced with them every time I use my computer.

Processed with VSCOcam with c1 preset

You don’t need to be a neat freak to be on the Dean’s List

I am a very messy person. I enjoy an organized mess here and there and that’s precisely why I don’t think that being organized is a necessity per se. I truly think that the key to a successful semester is not being neat and having everything organized in its place. You may have the neatest desk, cleanest bedroom, and zero mess, however, that does not guarantee academic success by any means. Using your time wisely is what will get you closest to your goals.

When you tackle hard work head on, you get the difficult things out of the way so that leisure time is not spent while you’re feeling guilty that you have other things to do. Time is everyone’s archenemy in college because no matter what day it is, no matter if you have one or ten errands, no day seems long enough. When you are overwhelmed, you will constantly feel like you have 24 hours to accomplish 48 hours worth of work.

Get time on your side. Make love to your agenda and your sticky notes. Not literally, but I mean if that’s your thing I fully support ya! 😉

Have an incredible semester

XOXO